Summer Visitation is often a sticky time for people going through a custody dispute. Not only are tempers as heated as the weather, but everyone wants a piece of the children. By everyone, I mean coaches, summer school teachers, camp workers, both parents, and the children’s friends. Children are pulled in so many directions, they really don’t know which way is up. At our firm, we try to express to our clients how children see all this pulling as a negative. Parents may think that should stand their ground whether or not it conflicts with their children’s schedule because that is “their” time. On the other hand, parents will schedule all activities during the time that would have been during the other parent’s time just to keep from giving up their precious time with the child. What people don’t see are the children giving up hobbies and opportunities they love because their parents refuse to work together! Here are a few tips to keep your family from ending up in hot water:
- Take your children’s schedule into consideration. Just because it is your time, and you feel you should get as much quality time as possible with your children, doesn’t mean that their plans should falter. If there is a camp they want to go to, work around it (that is, if it’s affordable!) Don’t make your child forgo opportunities simply because you want them on YOUR couch watching cartoons.
- If you schedule something for the child during the other parent’s time, allow them to make up visitation. Either don’t do this, or learn to sacrifice a little. You’re an adult, so act like it. If you want to play tug of war, go get a rope. Don’t play it with a child. You can easily work with the other parent for the summer simply to allow your child to have time with each of you, and still do the things they love best.
- Don’t use summer camp as a means to stick it to your ex. There is no reason why a child should be going to six different camps during the time they should be spending time with the other parent. There are times when summer camp is an amazing fun gift you can give your child, but when you’re signing them up for everything under the sun like ninja lessons to unicorn riding, I’m pretty sure it will become pretty clear this is not to benefit little Johnny, but to upset your ex.
- Communicate about Schedules. If you’re making plans unilaterally, there are bound to be issues regarding those plans. Perhaps you should try using a visitation google calendar (you don’t even have to hear the other person’s voice!), so that you can both share what your plans are for the summer. You can’t get angry with your ex for not reading your mind unless she’s Miss Cleo. This also helps with attorneys’ fees because you won’t be sitting in your lawyers office each summer afternoon asking them to write yet another letter to put the other side on notice why little Johnny won’t be going for Daddy’s 2 weeks coming up.
- If sacrifices have to be made because money or time is tight, don’t blame the other parent. “Sorry baby, but you can’t go to unicorn riding camp, ninja lessons camp, and zombie apocalypse training camp because daddy and his stupid girlfriend said no.” That’s not okay. Explain to your children that they can do each one of those other camps in a different summer. You can explain to them that the other parent loves them, but don’t make the child view the other parent as the reason that they don’t get to do whatever they want when they want. This isn’t setting a good precedent for the future.