Adultery is quite common in divorces these days. It is either true or extremely suspected for the majority of clients we’ve seen. According to Divorcestatistics.com, this typically occurs after the first year when the honeymoon period is over, after the first child is born, during the 7 year itch period, or during midlife crises time. Adultery is the ultimate betrayal and often leads to messier divorces because emotions are high. Adultery can sometimes change the leverage one side has in the divorce especially if there is a prenuptial agreement in place that is invalidated by it. Also, adultery can lead to leverage if someone is choosing affair constantly over the welfare of their child(ren). Here are 10 Sings to look for if you suspect your spouse of cheating:
1. Your spouse has taken recent new interest in his or her appearance. (Going to gym, dying their hair, new haircuts and hairstyles out of the ordinary, buying out of the ordinary outfits). There are times when we find new looks or outfits on sites like Pinterest that give us ideas on how to revamp our look… however, if your significant other goes from 0 – 90 out of nowhere, there may be a problem. If your spouse wears ratty jeans for years, and shoes where the sole of the shoe flaps when they walk, then they start racking up 500-600 dollar charges at the mall out of nowhere, you need to check into what’s going on to inspire this change. However, if your spouse was recently on What Not to Wear… it’s probably just a side effect of that show.
2. Your spouse has taken a sudden new interest in work. Your spouse is no longer home as soon as the work day has finished. They are coming home later and later yet there is no change to their pay. They don’t have any real explanation for their long hours, or give vague excuses as to why they are never home. We all know that this one is part of the cliché on divorces and cheating. People start saying, “I have to work late…” which leads to suspicion. The problem is most clichés become clichés because there is some truth linked to them. It’s easy to say you were working, when you’re having an affair with someone you’re working with… 36% of men and women admit to having an affair with a coworker (Divorcestatistics.com).
3. They start limiting your access to their cell phone. If you’ve had an open cell policy, and then next thing you know, your spouse has stopped allowing you to pick up their cell or they act jumpy when you’re near it, there’s cause for suspicion.
4. They take a strong interest in Facebook or other social media that they never used before. Facebook and social media have been linked multiple times to cheating and adultery. There are many articles out there these days that relate social media and reconnecting with old lovers, and sometimes even establishing new online relationships. People think harmless chatting and flirting online will not lead to anything, until next thing they know, they’re spending hours chatting with someone who isn’t their spouse. This eventually leads to more temptation of meeting up with this person privately. They haven’t gotten caught thus far, and they really enjoy time with them online. They begin wondering what could a little meet and greet really harm? Now they are emotionally attracted to this person, and they are alone with them, seeing them in person…
5. There are strange charges on their credit card statement that they cannot explain. Jewelry Stores, Restaurants, and Hotels are the ones that immediately come to mind, however think about things like grocery store purchases when they never bring groceries home…
6. They start using cash. If your spouse never uses cash and all of a sudden they are getting withdraws on a weekly basis, they’re wanting to hide their purchases. This doesn’t necessarily mean an affair, but it is a cause for concern. This could also be a sign of other illicit behavior.
7. They begin a strange hobby they never had interest in before. Sometimes people get bored in life, and want to try something new. However, there are times when one should pay attention that their spouse has taken an interest in ballroom dancing they never had before, or painting… or pottery (scene from Ghost anyone?)
8. Your Spouse’s behavior in the bedroom changes. He or She may be more likely to have sex, or completely stop having sex with you. The two ends of the spectrum are quite different, but could both be caused by an affair. Have they started using new moves, you’ve never seen before? Have they lost interest completely? There is actual medical research that says when a man has sex more often, it actually sparks his interest to keep having sex due to the increased testosterone. This causes him to have sex with his mistress, then want to subsequently have sex with you as well.
9. Your spouse begins accusing you of cheating. Transference. It’s as easy as that. The spouse is feeling guilty, and thus starts transferring their guilt onto you by accusing you of cheating.
10. Your spouse becomes hard to get ahold of when you call. The two of you used to be inseparable. You would check in throughout the day. You could call each other and would receive a response within minutes. Suddenly, they don’t check in throughout the day. They aren’t calling you back when you call. You’ll receive weird text messages saying they’re busy at work and can’t call you back. You can’t get ahold of them for several hours even in times of emergency or importance.