Everyone wants a storybook romance. They want the prince charming, the white horse, and the castle as their home. On the contrary, no one wants the movie divorce story. No one wants the drama, the violence, or the absolute absurdity that comes with what makes a good movie about the dissolution of someone’s marriage. Of course it makes a good story, and maybe your spouse is such a terrible person that he or she probably deserves what’s below. The typical soon to be ex, though, doesn’t. Sometimes it’s better to take the high road. Believe me, there’s plenty of time for a good story to evolve throughout the divorce. Here’s ways not to tell your spouse that you want a divorce (caveat: these do not apply to mentally and physically abusive spouses):
- On Facebook. We’ve all heard the urban legend of the husband or wife who changes their relationship status on Facebook to divorced or single before the two have even discussed the idea of divorce. It’s funny in theory, but really? This is not middle school. Don’t let your soon to be ex-spouse find out that they are about to be single through facebook or any other social media. Further, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, put that you’re in a relationship or that you’re engaged if you are not divorced yet.
- On a Billboard. Unless your spouse has been a complete Tiger Woods/John Edwards/Kristen Stewart/Hugh Grant/Leann Rhimes type of philanderer, it may be good to hold those reigns on your anger. Further, even if he or she is a complete JFK going after every Marilyn who lets their dress blow up for anyone who is willing to
take a peek, take the Jackie O approach and don’t let your anger feed your need for revenge. When I want to get dirty and angry, I prefer to take the “what would Jackie do” approach and wait a moment. Let your lawyers do the dirty work, and be the bad person. Take the high road so that you’re not seen as vindictive. It’s better going in as the victim than as the bitter ex.
- Through your lawyer. It’s always best to let your spouse know it’s coming unless there is a risk of abuse. Imagine thinking everything is going well, then you receive papers saying your better half wants to end your marriage. That’s essentially breaking up with someone in a letter or a note. Talk about passive aggressive! Might as well put it on one of these notepads:
- In a restaurant. Have you seen Legally Blond? If not – check it out here. Fast forward to around 2:20 or so. If you think going to a fancy schmancy restaurant will keep your spouse from causing a scene or being upset, think again. Dissolving your marriage is kind of a big deal. It makes Ron Burgundy look like an average joe. Do it in private. Let your ex mourn, or throw a hissy. You can leave if you don’t like it. Don’t embarrass them and give everyone else a good story to tell their friends about ESPECIALLY if you live in a small town.
- Through your paramour. What better way to admit adultery and to allow your new lover to tell your spouse. It makes your attorney’s life harder because they have to defend you against adultery. It makes your life harder because your spouse is past grief and onto anger. That’s when the billboards start popping up.